By Laura Camacho
Let’s start with a quick quiz:
Which life event is more stressful?
- Facing an IRS audit
- Hearing your boss say, “I need to talk to you” right after another round of layoffs
- Your doctor saying she needs to run more tests
- Your extended family coming over for Thanksgiving
The holiday season is nearly here, and with it comes all the excitement, decorations, scents, music, planning, and gifting—it’s a lot to handle! Moms with family members born in December get bonus points for organizing yet another celebration. I sometimes wonder if the Blessed Virgin Mary ever felt stressed having a son born so close to Hanukkah!
You’ll find endless recipe and decor ideas elsewhere; today, let’s focus on the social side of the holidays, starting with Thanksgiving.
We’re lucky to live in a country that officially celebrates giving thanks. Gratitude is key to happiness, and gathering with loved ones to create beautiful memories is a joy. But what about the conversations? How can we steer clear of common conversation crushers like heated political debates, endless story repeaters, or folks who monopolize the table talk?
As a 100% certified introvert who loves hosting, I’ve learned a few strategies to keep conversations light, breezy, and genuinely engaging. This is what creates those glowing memories, almost as much as your aunt’s famous German chocolate cake.
Your Handy Holiday Conversation Strategies
One tip I picked up from a recent Speak Up podcast guest, Lisa Gaché, owner of Beverly Hills Manners, is that the goal of social conversations should be to keep them “light and breezy.” For your guests who are close friends or family, mention that this is the vibe you’re aiming for. Encourage them to bring a couple of good stories from their past year to share.
Prepare Your Table for Conversations
Use place cards. Crafting them at home can be a fun project for a young, creative person, or even for an old, not-crafty host, they’re simple to make. Place cards allow you to strategically seat people who might enjoy getting to know each other. My grandmother swore by seating husbands and wives apart so they could bring each other fresh stories post-dinner. Place cards also reduce that awkward shuffle of people trying to figure out where to sit.
Next, use conversation starters. They’re a game changer! Gift shops sell sets of conversation starter cards, or you can create your own. Conversation starters are light-hearted questions that reveal fun, lesser-known details about people. I often print them out, cut them into small strips, and place them folded in a bowl to pass around after the main course.
Using conversation starters resets the social dynamic since everyone has to answer a prompt they didn’t choose. You’ll hear unexpected tidbits, like what Uncle Henry loved to play at age eight, who Cousin Timmy would invite to his dream birthday party, or what 11-year-old Alice thinks is the hardest part of being a parent.
For Those Who Loath Small Talk
If small talk is your absolute favorite thing, skip to the next section! But if you find it boring or akin to pulling teeth, consider taking control by being the first to speak.
Arriving prepared with a story or topic makes it easier to steer the conversation. For example, this past summer, I shared stories about my May trip to Poland and Morocco—two very different places that sparked interesting conversations. Books or movies can also be great topics; remember, what makes them interesting is why you liked them or what you learned.
Make sure to have a few of your own conversation starters on hand—and never ask “yes or no” questions! Follow-up questions are gold. For example, if someone just moved to Amarillo, Texas, ask what life is like there. Sticking to the same topic but exploring it more deeply tends to be more engaging for everyone, especially for those who don’t love small talk.
What If Someone Goes Off the Rails
It’s unlikely but I always feel better if I prepare for the worst-case scenario. Let’s say your cousin brings her boyfriend who starts talking about the Nazi’s in our country. This is what you do. In a light and breezy tone (that’s the key!) remind everyone “Oh let’s not talk politics today. We’re here to enjoy each other!”
To sum it up, as either host or guest, you have more influence than you might realize in creating a warm and gracious holiday atmosphere. A few conversation starters or stories can make a world of difference. You may find yourself enjoying the holidays more and not fantasizing as much about that silent retreat at the nearest convent.
Laura Mixon Camacho, PhD, is an executive communication strategist who specializes in Executive Presence for high-performing leaders. She is also host of the Speak Up: Develop Your Executive Presence podcast. See more at www.speakupwithlaura.com.